Parenthood—and the Things Most People Don’t Talk About
When you bring a child home—tiny fingers gripping yours—you think about car seats, diapers, sleep. You don’t think about what happens if you’re not there. Most don’t. New parents often skip over estate planning, figuring it’s for retired couples or families with vacation homes. That’s not how it works. If anything, the need runs deeper for parents with young children still in the house.
Who do you trust with everything if you and your spouse can’t be there? If you die or become unable to parent, the state steps in with its own process. In Missouri, that means slow courts, paperwork, and strangers making choices that should have been yours. The chance to protect your child from instability—or even a courtroom fight—begins long before disaster. If you get it down in a plan, your wishes control what comes next.
What Missouri Law Actually Does If You Leave It To Chance
Here’s where the shoe drops. If you haven’t written down your directions and both parents are gone or out of commission, the Missouri courts take over. No one gets to just pick up your child and head home. The law forces things to play out in a specific order. Relatives may hope to step in fast, but it starts—and sometimes stalls—in probate court. The gears of government do not turn quickly for orphans.
Guardianship: Who Calls the Shots For Your Child
Guardianship in Missouri isn’t just “who takes them home.” It’s a legal designation—a person who is authorized to make decisions for your underage child about where they live, how they’re raised, and even what medical treatment they get. If you named someone as guardian in a valid will, the court takes your word. If not, anyone—usually blood relatives—can petition for the job, and the judge holds hearings, often in front of a wary child. Missouri statute (RSMo § 475.045) gives parents the right to choose, but only if you do it in writing. No nomination? The judge sorts it out. Sometimes that means pitting family against family. The court rules in “the best interest of the child,” but it’s a cold process, and it can end with your child in a home you never pictured for them.
Depending on how things go, the role might go to a public guardian or someone barely known to your child. Family fights happen. Sometimes both sides leave disappointed. That’s how the law is written. If the person you trust isn’t on paper, it’s out of your hands.
Who Manages The Money? (And Why It’s Rarely Simple)
If you leave no will or trust, the state uses intestacy laws to split up assets. Your children inherit. Sounds direct, but children can’t handle money—not legally or practically—so the court appoints a conservator. This could be a different person from the guardian—sometimes it’s a cousin, sometimes a stranger, occasionally even an attorney. That means one person decides how your child spends each day, and another holds the checkbook.
The conservator faces paperwork just to make routine purchases. They have to post a bond and file annual reports with the court, which drags in costs and delays. If the guardianship and conservatorship don’t line up, squabbles and logjams follow. When your child turns 18, the conservatorship vanishes and any remaining funds are handed over all at once, whether your kid is prudent or not. If your plan was “they’ll figure it out,” remember: 18 is young. The system doesn’t care. No flexibility, no guardrails, and money can slip through their fingers without guidance.
If You Take The Reins: What Real Planning Looks Like
If you want a say in your child’s future, it has to be in writing. Estate planning isn’t just about assets; it’s about where your child wakes up, who tucks them in, who decides if a surgery happens. If you care about any of these details, you need a plan.
Name a Guardian That Means Something to You
The clearest step is naming a guardian in a Missouri will—signed, witnessed, no shortcuts. List your first choice, then a backup. These aren’t academic decisions. It’s looking at your real life and the people in it. If the court sees your nomination and there’s no evidence of unfitness, it goes through. Put it down on paper, sign it, and you’ve just cut down on doubt, courtroom wrangling, and family drama when your child needs stability most.
Setting Up a Trust For Your Kids—And Why It Matters
Most parents look at their house and life insurance, nod, and walk away. But leaving money outright to your minor children isn’t good practice. Establishing a trust—either inside your will or as an outside document—means you decide when your child gets access, who manages the spending, and for what purpose. You can keep the money out of their hands at 18, if that’s what makes sense. Education, living expenses, health—handled as you intended. It’s run by a trustee you choose, not just someone the system lands on. Trusts cut through red tape, side-step court conservatorships, and offer flexibility you won’t get from the state’s default plan. You can even stagger inheritance for milestones—whatever fits what you know of your child.
Don’t Just Think Long-Term—Plan For Emergencies Too
Life doesn’t always collapse in the ways we expect. Sometimes you’re in the hospital or stuck overseas. Missouri supports short-term powers of attorney for minors, letting you pick someone trusted to make medical, educational, or even day-to-day decisions while you’re gone. It’s paperwork, but it’s the easiest way to keep your child from getting lost in a moment of chaos. Get it set up, keep it with your estate papers.
This Isn’t Easy—But You Have to Pick Someone
No candidate is perfect. People move, families change, and sometimes willingness shifts. Evaluate by real character, their location, their health, and their actual willingness to do the work. Talk to them—don’t make assumptions. Missouri law lets you list alternates if your top pick can’t serve. Revisit these choices as the years go by. A plan that worked when your child was two may not work at sixteen.
Missouri Life: What Else Parents Should Consider
Life Insurance Is Usually Your Biggest Asset
Don’t underestimate your policy. For plenty of Missouri parents, life insurance is the largest source of cash a child might ever see. Do not set your minor child as the direct beneficiary. If you do, courts may freeze the money or lock it into conservatorships, with all their hoops and costs. Name a trust as the beneficiary, and you keep the money working for your child without extra court hands on the lever.
Be Careful With Beneficiary Choices
Banks, retirement accounts, “payable-on-death” forms: these move assets without respect for your will. Review every few years. Name a trust or, for smaller sums, a Missouri Uniform Transfers to Minors Act (UTMA) adult custodian. Never leave anything direct to a minor if you can help it. Complexity comes fast when beneficiary forms and your will don’t line up.
If Your Child Has Special Needs
If your child relies on government benefits—think Medicaid or SSI—a simple inheritance can do more harm than good. Missouri allows supplemental needs trusts, set up to hold gifts for your disabled child without killing their eligibility for help. It’s a specialty, but if it applies, ask for it. The long-term security at stake is real.
A Plan Is the Best Gift You Can Give
No one likes thinking about worst-case scenarios, but most parents would do nearly anything to make life easier for their kids. Estate planning isn’t fear-mongering—it’s taking care of business so your children get care, stability, and guidance if you can’t be there. It hands you the tools to choose your child’s guardian, safeguard their inheritance, and keep family from fighting at the worst possible time.
If you leave these decisions to the courts, you’re gambling with your family’s future. But with a will, a trust, and a little legwork now, you keep control. It’s one of the few ways to offer real protection for your family—when words and wishes alone are no longer enough.
